A Coppola I am not

The fine folks at Clif Bar have been gracious enough to hold a contest offering their most creative and voracious all natural energy bar loving fans a one year supply of Clif Bars.

The winner will be chosen from the comments posted on their blog answering the question "What would you do with a year's supply of Clif Bars?"

Judging is based on originality, creativity, and content so, of course, I had to offer up my submission to the almighty energy bar gods. I mean, who was I to pass up a year of free Clif Bars?

First, I had to check out the competition: people saying they would eat them, give them to the homeless, or share them with their cycling and/or polar expedition teams. I really like one guy's suggestion of building a house. So many possibilities!

Secondly, I re-examined the question and the judging guidelines: Do something with the Clif Bars. Be creative. Be original. Provide content.

Thirdly, I did what I do best and just make stuff up. But you've always gotta start with some kind of inspiration to getthe juices flowing. I went with parody films.

Here's my entry in the contest --

***************************************

By Swisscheez on 07/22/2010

For your consideration:

I would re-edit the amazing Woody Harrelson/Demi Moore movie Indecent Proposal and replace all the dollar bills with Clif Bars.

The film opens on the interior of a run down motel room, our leading couple tired and downtrodden, recently evicted after months of missed rent payments and utility bills piling up. After exhausting their meager supply of energy gels to satiate their ever growing hunger, they are forced to turn to Taco Bell hot sauce packets.

Cut to the smoldering antagonist. He has it all: power, money, good hair, and great teeth. At first glance he’s indestructible, but deep inside he harbors a hurtful resentment from the woman in his past who left him for his best friend, an adventure racer. Protected by his wall of money and influence, he keeps any true heartfelt romance at bay.

One sunny afternoon, we see our down on their luck couple scavenging for trial sized morsels of Luna bars and sips of energy drinks when, between the racks of running shorts, the powerful playboy spies her from across the race expo floor. She is the modern day visage of his former flame. Making his way past the massage tables and vacation Disney marathon booths, he matter of factly walks up to the vagabond and firmly states “I’ll offer you a 1 year supply of Clif Bars to sleep with your wife.”

...that’s all I’ve got so far. Do you think Shia LeBeouf is available?

**************************************

If I win, I think it'd be fun to fil and edit a 90 second trailer of the Indecent Clif Bar Proposal. Probably won't include Shia LeBeouf though. I hear he causes a lot of drama on set. We'll see...

The contest is open until 11:59pm PT on Thursday July 29, 2010 so get your entries in if you think you can beat that!

The shoes make the man

According to Wikipedia, "Graham Leslie Coxon (born 12 March 1969) is an English singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and painter and decorator. He came to prominence as the lead guitarist, backing vocalist and occasional lead vocalist of rock band Blur, and is also a critically acclaimed solo artist, having recorded seven solo albums.

Coxon is capable of playing several other instruments, besides guitar, and is famous for recording his albums single-handedly, without much help from session musicians. An innovative lead guitarist, other notable British guitarists such as Jonny Greenwood and Noel Gallagher have lauded Coxon's musicality and talent, with the latter calling him 'one of the most gifted guitarists of his generation.' He was voted the 15th greatest guitarist of the last 30 years in a national 2010 BBC poll."

Yeah, yeah yeah...he's a golden god on guitar and pretty much anything he tries to do. And while that's all well and good, in my opinion Graham Coxon revealed his true genius when he said:

"I've always looked at shoes as being immensely beautiful things."

Thanks to Clif Bar and Twitter, I am the proud owner and wearer of these great new "faux-foam beach moccasins money didn't buy because I won them in a contest" flip flops.

He opened the box and saw that the flip flops were good. And it was good. (Book of Clif Bar 7:14)

Bars and Gels vs Liquid Sports Drinks

Energy gels were gross. There was a time when I first started running that I thought a GU packet was just mass produced snot. I hated them, and they hated me because I hated them. But I had bought a box of 12 and am not one to let things go to waste. By the end of the box, I was hooked. Not just on the taste of snot, but on the great energy boost that seemingly flowed through my body each time I downed one.

With such a need for on the go refueling, I wouldn't be surprised if most runners consider energy gels a 5th food group. Personally, I'm a big fan of Hammer Gel and Clif Shot Bloks and never leave for a ride or a run without them.

I read an article in the New York Times today discussing sports bars and gels and their effectiveness compared to liquid sports drinks. It got kind of technical, so if you want to read it, click here. Spoiler alert: gels are as effective* as the liquids.

One side note I was able to pick out, however, was the warning to be wary of products that contain only fructose, because on its own, it can cause gastrointestinal distress. As if dudes need a reason to have more gas...

For shits and giggles, here's a great chart from excelsports.com on some bars and gels and their nutritional contents: